A calling...

People change and I believe that people can change. I know the me I am today, is nowhere close to the me I was 2 years ago. 

Me 2 years ago was a grieving daughter who drank the days away and stared out the window looking for some sort of answer, knowing in my heart that the bottom of the current liquor bottle I was drowning myself in was only numbing my heartbreak. I rubbed holes in the vinyl flooring of where my chair sat, moving it only to get up to make another drink or take care of something pressing. I hid all my issues from everyone, especially my family. I cried for hours on end every day, reliving all the painful moments of losing my dad in June.
Until Jan 30, 2022- when I wound up in the hospital in full renal failure and my family being told to just wait because it was all up to my body at that point.
I sent my husband home for the night on night 3 after my kidneys began failing, I wanted to be alone. I spent time with myself talking to God and asking him what to do. I knew I wasn't living anymore. I knew I was just making it every day and barely making it at that. I felt his presence with me. I knew that my life needed to change, and I vowed at that moment to give all my pain, all my hurt, all my faith over to him and let him guide my life. I knew that what I was going through was my wake-up call, not just from God but from my dad. I knew that this moment was going to change my life forever and I promised to listen to him and let him guide my life. When I was released from the hospital after 5 days, the gastroenterologist told me, "You'll be back in a month or so. They always come back." To which I replied, "No I won't."
Now, everyone who knows me knows, I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I ain't picked that bottle up in 18 months now and I have no plans to ever pick it up again. That heifer will NEVER see me again. With my wonderful husband's support, I picked up a therapist named Jeremy along the way and with his help, praise him for his patience, I am healing, the right way. I am learning balance and boundaries, putting past traumas to rest, and how to accept myself. I see myself changing and so does everyone else. 

However, I made a promise. I promised I would let God guide me and I would listen when he called upon me to do something. And he has called me to help people and love people as they are. He has guided me through the last 18 months by working my farm, and I mean working.
About 3 weeks ago, I felt another calling. It was so loud that my soul couldn't rest until I talked about it with my husband and family. It was so loud and so uncomfortable. So I sat Jason, my husband, down and said, "You're going to think I am crazy, but God is telling me to move to Indiana to be closer to your family." Jason just looked at me and with his quiet and mild manner said, "I trust you. Let's move."
So, in a few weeks, the farm will be put up for sale and the whole crew is moving to Indiana. We have been looking at property already in Indiana and will be there in a couple days to take a look around. We are working with a lender and realtor in Indiana and have a close family friend listing our farm here in Texas. Am I incredibly nervous and terrified? YES. Am I overwhelmed with emotions and stess? No. I know that this is what I am being called to do and somehow feel at peace with it. Plus, I made him a promise. 

So, wish us luck and send up lots of prayers for a safe transition. We will miss our farm, friends and family made here in Texas, but we are looking forward to creating our own paradise in the woods of Indiana. Stick around because I will be blogging about the move and setting up a new farm. So here goes nothing- 

Stay busy y'all!
-Dey